After Happily Ever After

"...and they all lived happily ever after." Most of us are familiar with this conclusion to all faerie tales, but do we truly understand it? When we think happily ever after we tend to interpret the phrase as meaning that everything was perfect in the lives of the characters, particularly in regards to their marriages. The average person upholds this image as the model for their own marriages. The ideal, however understandable, is still an unrealistic expectation. Are these classic stories urging us to live our lives in illusions or are they implying something else? There is more to the married life than we realize.

What were the lives of the princes and princesses really like after the wedding and honeymoon? did they fight, say things that they later regretted to each other, have temptations of infidelity, get on each other's nerves, or possibly have troubles dealing with the in-laws and or children? The to these questions is that these couples faced most, if not all of these problems and even more...just like the couples of today. Everything was not perfect for them but despite difficulties they ended up having a happy marriage anyway. They had good times along with the bad, forgave each other, made up, and persevered.

Often, we view the wedding day as the end of the story. We usually observe this flawed mentality in many engaged couples. On one reality television show entitled, "Bridezilla," we encounter high-maintenance brides scrupulously plain for their special day, wanting everything to be absolutely perfect. Though an amusing series, if one takes a good look at it one sees that they spend a great deal of time planning for the wedding day but very little, if any, time on planning the marriage. Is the wedding not merely the first day of the marriage and the marriage itself will last for the rest of their lives? Imagine preparing for one day of fifty years. If we really think about it this is completely silly. Famous author G. K. Chesterton once wrote a letter to his wife describing how their wedding was creation day. To him, it was not an end but a beginning.

During an engagement period a couple needs to discern if they should go through with the wedding or not. Certain issues need to be discussed and thought over. One of my high school Spanish teachers told us the story of her brother's divorce. He was young and in love but some time after he got married he discovered that his wife did not want to have children, yet he did. This led to conflict and then they divorced. Had this been brought to his attention earlier, the wedding never would have taken place and obviously the divorce would not have either. Fortunately, most churches have marriage preparation programs set up so that a couple can evaluate their relationship and properly prepare for their marriage, but both of the engaged persons and the pastor for that matter must take this time very seriously. Unfortunately, some pastors marry off just about anyone these days, some not even giving any marriage preparation (which by the way is illegal in Catholicism.) What they often don't see are the benefits to such a program and how without sufficient preparation, that they may be setting up the couple for divorce or at least significant marital problems.

Stories are meant to teach us real life lessons and faerie tales are no different, but we sometimes get caught up in its fantasy world. No perfect marriages exist. According to G.K. Chesterton, he knew plenty of happy marriages but no "compatible" ones. As one can clearly see, there is more to the married life than we realize.